Level 19 - Lots of killing indeed

Bit of a gap in the log there. No good reason, I'm just a bit slack.

Well, I hung around in the Barrens for a while, whittling down the crossroads quests (which seem never-ending), killing lots of lizards for various body parts, lions for other body parts, centaurs for access to their mushrooms and ponds and quill boars generally for fun.

Then there were things to do planting seeds at the bottom of lakes, killing turtles in lakes like this, and hanging out near clams and things.

I accidentally took a ship from Ratchet in the south east and ended off in a scarily high-level place in the eastern kingdoms. I hid on the ship until it turned round and went back. On the way back I spied an island not too far from the ship and, on the spur of the moment leapt from the ship and started to swim towards it (as many of us have often wanted to do on board ferries I think).

I imagined large sharks, evil whales, etc as I swam. My fatigue bar counted down, but I made it okay and sneaked around the beach looking through the palm fronds. Some people, gathered around a metal door in the floor. Hmm. I wander over and they aren't hostile, and, in fact, ignore me.

I peer into the depths beneath the lattice-work door. Nothing there. I find a building, but it's empty. No-one wants to talk to me. I get bored and start to swim towards Ratchet, on the way killing some challenging slimeshell beasts.

Next it is back to the Sepulchre and I explore the area and do a few quests, levelling up on the way. I discover nasty spiders and werewolves. The 'moonrages' are best killed from the roof above their mine. They wander out and wonder what the hell is happening as you cast multiple shocks at them from above.

Then back to the barrens to visit my shamanic teacher (nothing new), herbalist (some things) and alchemist (also a few new things).

I join a large group of people sacking booty bay and Northwatch further south and complete about 4 quests in half an hour. Much fun the group thing after all.

Level up... now 19. Can't wait for 20...

Oh, what else? Yes, I bought a pet. Not a helpful pet. No, an expensive prairie dog that I can call with a silver whistle. Nice. Tough. Manly.

Level 16 - And struggling

Are my a, s, d and w keys feeling a bit spongy? I hope not, but it is possible.

Anyway, finished the litch quest and another too, defeating a mildly scary spirit. Well, not really, but the idea of it was scary.

Tired I took the zeppelin in the other direction for a bit of an adventure and discovered a few new places where I was wary to get off, deep outside horde territory. I hid in the bows and waited until we got back to the world of orcs where I patiently sought out my shamanic trainer who, for a change, gave me a few new spells and upgrades.

Armed thus I wandered out into the desert (with a new axe) but felt drained of the will to live when I saw the endless sands again.

I decided to seek out the lands to the north west and eventually made my way to stone talon mountains, which, it gravely informed me, was contested territory.

Does that mean that other players are likely to kill me here then? I think it does.

Still, I pushed on, and started to do a task which involved killing a handful of taurean nasty guys, but after about 10 of them I lost interest (short attention span on this day) and wandered into the hills, eventually finding a little troll settlement where they even had some quests for me. Mind you, they were about lvl 18 quests and a bit tough...

I headed for the cave and the spiders and almost died battling some insignificant creature on the way.

I hearth stoned back to the miserable desert.

Back on the internet I consulted a map of the world with suitability for levels marked on it. My only options were the undead folk, the desert, or the taurean lands to the west.

Sounds good, I think, and spend half an hour actually getting there, avoiding all the level 18 beasts in the southern barrens on the way.

Once inside though, it's green trees and asps all over again. There's a little village, but only one quest I can seem to do. Everyone will trade with me, but doesn't want me to do anything, which is a shame, as I like the land a lot. I explore and find a lot of nice places, including Thunder Bluff where I actually get a harpy feather quest which takes about 20 minutes to do. But that's it. Nice to explore, nice people, pleasant land, but nothing for me to do.

Heavy-hearted, I go back the way I came and find a village in the south of the barrens where I take a ride back to the crossroads. Right.

I do the secret pool quest, okay, I kill raptors and bring heads, find, I kill zebras, and everything else asked of me, and it takes an age. I can't get the bloody control panel quest from Ratchet done though. I die three times, even with help. Bastards. I just need to push one button now, but it's so hard that I give up and go and kill zebras with my pleasant searing totem instead.

Level 14 - And counting...

Spent a lot of time wandering around the undead realm, even discovering the contested PVParea in error and being immediately killed by a large bear-like demonic monster.

Ah well.

Wandering around, doing a few quests, doing some group stuff (though not much) and happy exploring.

Takes too long though... much too long.

And, notice the date? Yes, it's valentine's day...

Yikes.

Level 14 - Fire totem a-plenty

Spent a few hours finishing off quests in Tirisfal Glades and quickly levelled up to 13. Excited, I ran back to my shaman in the Razor Hill, only to be bitterly disappointed as he simply shook his head and said he had nothing to teach me. Bastard.

I heathstoned back to the undead world and wandered over to Sepulchre(?) which was a pleasant (but long) run past wolves and bears. The mini town itself is full of kill-me-ten-demonic-onions kind of quests, which I did a couple of before deciding to head back to my shamanic quests, which I'd been putting of, as it meant running about the desert again for long periods.

Anyway, I search for the cave with the evil thug people I must kill for an age before finding it, and am happy to discover that I can despatch the bad guys without too much trouble (one at a time that is). I make it to the end of the cave only to realise that what I needed I had in fact picked up at the very beginning. There wasn't even any treasure at the end. Damn it. I ran back through the cave and shot out of it followed hotly by about six spellcasters, all flashing my heels with thunderbolts.

I jump off a cliff and land on a ledge, which they don't seem able to get to. Escaped.

Part two of the current shamanic quest is to get some tar from some quill beasts in the barrens which is (you guessed it) a long, long run away. It is about this time that I discover the Num Lock key - auto-run. Press it and you'll run in the direction you're pointed until the end of time.

I point myself towards the barrens and turn it on, then go and make some tea. When I get back I'm being pursued by a selection of scorpions, lizards and crocolisks. I cast a taunt totem and they all attack that as I run away. Useful, that.

I find the quill beast creatures fairly easily and the first one I kill has the tar. I'm about to run away when another shaman runs up.

'Where's the tar?' He asks.

'Here.' I say, 'I just got some from that guy.'

'Can I have it?'

'No.' I say, as I run off.

Auto-run for 5 minutes to the base of the mountain, then manually run up up. Shaman at the top is waiting for me. Ah good, he tells me, good show, what. He gives me some kind of horn which I use at some big monolith which makes a brace of fire demons appear at the top of the hill nearby. I run up and kill one of them easily, the others just seem to dance around and leave me alone.

I put the demon's embers with the horn on the brazier neaby and, ta-da! I have a new thing. I take the thing back to the shaman, and guess what? Yes, take it back to the other bloody shaman back where you came from.

Bastard.

Still, I level - level 14.

Excited at this point I fall off the cliff.

It's quite a long drop, and, oh, yes, I'm dead. I re-appear as a ghost miles away and auto-run back to the cliff base. No, not quite close enough to reincarnate from the river, I have to climb the mountain and hurl my ghost off the top in order to get my body back.

I have a brief panic when I can't get out of the hole I'm in, but manage it in the end. I sneak through a gap in a rock and see life and a plain. Excited, I think, hey! New valley! But, no, in fact, it's the starting point of the game for trolls and orcs.

Oh balls.

I can't face running all the way back round, so I go to the 'secret path' and jump off the cliff into the sea there, and survive. This takes me to the merchant coast, which is close enough to the barrens to make it a possible shortcut, so I think. I put my head under the water and see that I'm surrounded by a collection of level 19 sea beasts...

I leap out of the water and run, slipping, round the edge until I find land (via a crate with a large gun in it, which I later sell). The land in question is a village of small irritating people, filled with more quests. I have no time for this, and push on back to the barrens and the crossroads (where I finish another random quest), then on to the original fire-totem shaman, who seems amazed that I've approached from the direction I did so.

Bright light, ta-da! Here's a fire totem and a couple of new spells for you.

I run back to the crossroads and take a bird flight to the orc capital. My first flight, it is impresive, and to my surprise, takes me into the capital via a side route I didn't know existed...

Level 12 - Deep Sea and Puddlejumpers

Not much to report - lots of wandering around Tirisfal Glades and sourrounding area. I pick up a couple more quests and kill another minor boss at the mills. This all involves a lot of running between places again - my main gripe at the moment.

I sneak past the mills to the bleak but pretty northern coast and leap of a cliff into the sea (for a laugh). I plunge into the water and don't die, which is good. I'm adrift in a very deep place. A new monitor appears - fatigue. And a helpful hint pops up - If you swim into deep water and your fatigue reaches zero, you'll start to drown.

I look around, under the water, waiting for a huge shark-like beast to appear, but none do. Maybe I'm just lucky.

I swim east and find a beach full of creatures called puddlejumpers, which are pretty easy for me to kill, and they happen to drop quest items for a quest I forgot I had. I kill about six when two guys appear and kill all the rest. We stare at each other as we wait for the puddlejumpers to regenerate. I log off.

Level 12 - Progress is slow

I took the zeppelin back to Orgrimmar and visited my shamanic teacher. She looked pleased to see me and presented me with three new skills - purge, resurrect and something I need a fire totem for (which I don't have).

All this running around is making me slightly edgy. It takes many, many minutes to run here, and then there, and then back again... And an annoying number of quests seem to have me going from one end of the map to the other, constantly. Almost as if they are trying to make the quests last a long time, but not in a good way.

Anyway, while I'm in the area I decide to complete a couple of quests at the Barrens crossroads (a long run indeed). There I do so and also find another five or so of them (quests that is). I also manage to find my next shamanic contact who tells me to go and climb a large mountain (miles away) to talk to yet another shaman. Luckily I've found this mountain path before (exploring aimlessly), but the man at the top wouldn't speak to me when I did.

So, run, run, run, minutes pass. I climb the mountain, it all takes time. This time the guy does speak to me and he starts off by saying,

'Ah I'm sorry you've wasted your journey, it is a long way up and the path is far from safe...'

But then suddenly seems to notice my token from the last shaman and changes his mind,

'Ah, but you have a token and understand, sorry, you see, many adventurers find me and I have to turn them away...'

Hmm, I think. I know what's coming.

'Now bring me some animal parts and something from a cave hidden away somewhere full of monsters and I'll make you a fire totem.'

I emote a sigh and run back down the mountain (fighting an urge to leap from the top into the river - I wonder if I'd die, or just land in the water safely?)

I can't face the desert any more, so hearthstone-teleport it back to Brill, in the world of the undead, and complete a couple of minor quests. I'm about 2000xp away from lv 13 but can't face any more quests tonight.

I wander around, then enter the confusing city of the dead and buy a new axe and shield. I put things in the bank, make potions, sell them, watch the priests summon and kill a large monster, and marvel at the truly scary and awful looking guardians that they have guarding the place - fat, guts hanging out, eerie glow, large axe. Nice.

After this, I leave the city via the sewers and run west, for fun and to explore, and discover the starting point for the new undead - a kind of shllow grave where I suppose you appear. The quests there don't seem open to me, but I wander around killing pretty (evil-looking) spiders and increasing my axe skill slowly.

Bored in the end, I log off. Level 13 can wait.

Level 12 - Surrounded by the undead

Ah, such a big world, so many places to go and see. And this is true of the WOW world too. After running around the desert endlessly and getting frustrated I asked Knife where a good place to go would be, and he, being undead, suggested Brill, in Tirisfal Glades.

'Will I die a lot?' I asked.

'Oh no, you'll be safe,' he says.

The area is where the undead start off, so all the quests etc are about 1-12, and the monsters match.

So I board the zeppelin, which appears to be free (at least, I don't pay) and head off across the sea. Ah, hang on, we're going a bit too far south, eek, where the hell are we?

The name of the place is Stranglethorn Dale, and I ask Knife where I am.

'lol', he whispers, 'you got the wrong zeppelin. You'll die quickly there.'

Great. Everyone gets off and I'm left alone. I peer over the side at the beasts and people below. It looks a bit tough for me, a lv 11 Shaman.

I see another zeppelin appear on the opposite side, and run across, hoping that it'll go back to the desert, and that I won't get killed on the way. I hide and wait. Eventually we leave, and head north.

The countryside darkens and zombies appear below us.

'No, that's good,' whispers knife. Well, he is undead.

He tells me to get off and walk west to Brill. I do so, cautiously, but it is okay, the beasts are all about lv 6 or 7 it seems and (apart from everyone being dead) it seems okay, if a little spooky and grim.

I'm challenged to a duel by a persistent little bastard who won't leave me alone. I ask him where Brill is and he responds by inviting me to join a group.

'Why?' I ask. The dueller has been joined by two evil looking friends. They stand around me. They are all lv 20+.

'u want 2 go to brill don't you?' One says.

I bite the bullet and join them. They run north and I reluctantly follow, thinking, trap, trap, they are taking me into some demonic beast's lair for a laugh.

But they aren't, and they take to a small village which turns out to be Brill. it takes me a while to realise this and they must think that I'm rude, as one of them whispers to me, 'Say thanks.'

I say thanks.

Brill is nice, if creepy and undead. The catchphrase of the undead is 'Beware the living!' Which is nice. I explore the tavern, make it my home, sell a load of potions I made and collect about 10 low level quests which involve killing beasts and collecting their blood, mostly.

It's pleasing to see and do new things, and the people are friendlier than in the desert (though dead) and I'm actually in a group for a while killing things in a team.

Half way through a quest, a warlock challenges me to a duel.

Same level, so I figure, why not. My first duel. It starts without me realising and I'm whacked with a spell before I know what is happening. Suddenly I'm running the wrong way whilst he blasts me with fireballs. By the time I hit him once, my health is half gone. I've messed it up. I panic nd hit too many keys at once. No, not bloody lighting, gah! Whack, goodnight.

Still, fun.

Two quests later and I'm lv12. Lights shine, music plays, and I squander a talent point on something I probably don't need...

One thing Knife neglected to mention... There are no shaman trainers in the undead world, so I'll have to return to Origiamar (whatever) to visit a teacher.

Sigh.

Level 11 - And dead a lot in the Barrens

I can't find the idiot who got eaten by crocolisks by the river, despite wandering up and down it several times, and even swimming its length once. Where the hell is he? The river is infested with scary monsters too, so this takes a long time.

I finally gave up and went to try and kill a goblin called Fizzle in a canyon. Easier said than done. A whole herd of dinosaur-like thunder lizards (whatever) are in the way. I can kill them one at a time, but if two wander by then I'm dead. Luckily it's only a short run back to claim my corpse.

I eventually make it to Fizzle and find everyone and everything dead around him (another, somewhat tougher adverturer before me, I think). However, Fizzle is still alive and I equip all my fancy stuff and let rip with the lightning. All is going okay, and it's a close thing - we're both on low health, but I reckon I'm going to get him with this next Earth Shock, but then, whack, and goodnight - one of his guards has come back to life and attacked me from behind.

When I get back this time everyone is alive and I keep on dying before I can do anything. In the end I give up and teleport back to the inn. I'll go back in a group, perhaps.

So I wander over to the Barrens, which is full of level 16 beasts wandering around. Hmm, I think.

I run north, looking for a shaman that isn't there, and get killed in seconds by a lv 18 mini-monster-goblin type creature. Bastard. And where do I re-spawn? About 10 minutes run away (so it seems) in the middle of the Barrens. Sigh, run, run, run, there's nothing in the Barrens, no people, no monsters, no towns of any significance. It's dull.

Knfie tells me that his friend only just got out of the Barrens and he's level 30! Christ, I won't be staying that long, I think.

I get back to the Barrens bridge again and, in frustration, attack a giraffe. How tough can a giraffe be? I'm a shaman with magic powers and a big mace. How hard? The giraffe lays into me and I'm losing badly. In panic I start to run, but then an Orc wanders over and starts to help me out. I relax and then realise that he's not actually hitting the giraffe more than once. Now he's just watching and then, whack, goodnight.

Re-spawn in the middle of the bloody Barrens. Okay, log off, relax.

Level 11 - And finally a proper shaman...

So a long run takes me back to the starting point and I approach a dodgy looking man who had lurked in the shadows but refused to speak to me in the beginning. Now, however, he was full of chatter - Ah, young shaman, you are full of promise, etc, etc. Go and get me some some fellstalker hooves and I'll give you some magical drugs, and so forth.

He pointed me towards the valley to the north, but I couldn't remember ever seeing any 'fellstalkers' at all. But, I explored anyway and failed completely to find any. I exited and went so far as to go way north and then west before I had a terrible suspicion that they might be in that cave right at the start of the game.

A long run back. I'm tired of running now. I want to be a wolf. Or have a horse, or something.

They are - in the cave there are a hoard of fellstalkers, but as they were designed to be a challenge many levels ago now I can simply knock them on the head with my mace and they run away in fear. I collect my hoof loot and return to the shaman dealer.

Ah, young shaman, the power of the earth, etc, find our secret place, etc, drink this, all will be good.

So I run off to the spirit stone in the hills and drink the brew.

Blimey, it's fast acting and sure enough and the earth itself rises up to chat to me. It's quite big and I'm glad it is on my side. It rumbles that it's my lucky day, and here's a bit of quartz. As I chat I notice a mini-earth creature running around in circles nearby. I can't target it and it ignores me.

I wave goodbye and return to shaman guy who quickly tranforms my rock into a rock covered in twigs and cotton. Ta-da! Your earth totem is ready. The game catches up and I learn a flurry of spells.

I try out all my totems as curious starters stare at me and wonder what I'm doing. Lights flash, things twirl, I glow. Lovely.

I experiment with the user interface (UI) and bring up some more slot bars to put in things that I don't use often, but need to access at times. I leave all my attacks on the key-mapped bar.

I teleport (using the hearthstone) to the inn in Razorbackvillemoutain (or whatever) and head north to complete a neglected quest - kill a lot of slightly tougher harpie creatures in a canyon to the east.

I equip all my buffs (I think that's the correct expression) and target a nasty looking harpie. Lighting x 2, then shock before she can cast a spell, then a whack with the mace followed by a fireball of some kind and she drops dead.

I repeat as I move through the canyon without any problems at all. I get right to the end of the place and am just killing the last one when a bunch of orc hunters turn up, looking frustrated at the lack of live prey. They glare at me, but say nothing.

I make my way back and claim my reward.

It's time to eat the curry that has been re-heating in the oven now, so I take a look at the landscape near the orc capital and then log off.

Thankfully, no dreams of wow that night - I think I'm getting over it.

Level 10 - New clothes

I managed to sneak in an additional hour of play during "Relocation, Relocation", which distracted the wife. I can't stand the program myself - people richer than me moving to countries hotter than mine into houses that make me envious. Why inflict such things on yourself?

Anyway, I take out my frustrations on various boars and other critters, raising my hand axe rankings on the way to the orc capital to the north. On the way there is a guy that I said I'd help last time I passed by and completely forgot about. I re-read the quest and it was to find some food supplies back down the canyon. I backtrack and enter a deep gorge to the west full of flying harpie creatures.

A quick lighting x 2 from afar, followed up by earth shock, whack on the head, and another earth shock drops them. However, when two attack at once I'm forced to run for my life.

I find two food sacks and am looking for the third when I notice the first one re-spawn. Curious, I wander over and find that I can take it again - 3rd sack found, the game brightly tells me. So, I find another sack, then return to the first two and so have all five.

I return to complete the quest and am just a few points from level 10. So I kill slightly tougher boars than I'm used to for a few minutes and level up. I quickly peel off all my rotten rags and crappy leather clothing and put on my new armour. My god, that looks better. My armour rating increases by about 200%.

Pretty happy, I wander to the orc capital (damned if I can remember the name of it) and find a clothing shop just inside the main square. I buy a shirt and some other things and actually start to look half decent. After wandering around some more I buy a new shield and half decent mace.

All good stuff.

I find my shamanic trainer and aquire a stack of new skills. I'm still confused though, as my totems don't work. When I try to use this super-power it dully bleeps and complains that an item is required. What bloody item?

I mention it to knife and he tells me that right at the beginning there is a quest that I missed which gives me said totem objects. Gah. It involves going to a spirit stone and drinking a trippy brew. Double gah, I found the stone during my wonders and couldn't do anything with it as I didn't know about the quest.

Sigh. Back to the south again...

Level 9 - No more mucus

At last, I have all the mucus and eyes I needed...

I had a spare 45 minutes after finishing work, so went to bag some tiger skins for another quest in the same area.

After hacking around a while on an empty server (it had been down all day), I levelled up to 9, much to my joy. I grabbed a collection of tiger furs (another quest) and even learnt how to swim (right mouse button - ah-ha).

Then I swam over to a large island to try and kill some hexed and voodoo trolls, and bring back the skull of the bad guy and some trapped 'darkspear' (much to do). I was hiding in the trees, luring one out at a time (as two seemed to have the power to set me on fire and kill me - more than once I had to leap into the sea to escape).

The knife came on line and came over. He wandered about slaughtering everything with a weapon he said he was crap with (a big hammer), but one hit with which was enough for the trolls.

I actually killed the bad-guy-boss alone, so felt quite good about that. I even tried out an emotive victory (I've been reading up on emotes and spent some time waving at random people - I haven't worked out how to taget it yet).

Then we swam around a while - I would loot all the clacker corpses he left behind until I had all my eyes and mucus too.

Ah, I had completed 5 quests, and thought I must be in line for level 10 action, but no. About 3/4 of the way there and no great rewards, and no herbalism skills more, or shamanic goodies.

Bit disappointed.

Learnt alchemy. Might as well have a use for all those herbs I've been collecting.

So, ran to Razorback Mountain (or whatever it is called) and checked my mail. What's there? Some level 10 armour sent to me, but I can't yet use it...

Sigh. I went to sleep and logged off.

Play cancelled

A visit to the cinema straight fom work put a stop to any plans for a sneaky half hour play yesterday.

No, I'm not an addict after just a few days, certainly not.

The film was a million miles away from Warcraft - a French film called Cache which was just plain odd and neglected to have a proper ending.

Ah well. At least I managed to sleep properly wihout fitfully swinging an axe in my sleep and muttering, 'die, damned, annoying scorpid...'

Level 8 - Searching for mucus

I know we all have to start at the bottom, but collecting eyes and mucus is a bit much for a level 8 shaman.... Isn't it? Still, it's a fitting quest to fill the half hour that it takes to cook the evening supper. Though at one point I leave my troll sitting on the beach, staring at a passing ship to go and shake some pans. Whilst in the kitchen I hear the sound of battle... A one-sided battle. Gah! Almost killed by a crustacean that has crawled out of the sea and attacked me. The shame of it, almost. Hack, slash, zap, pow, eat my Earth Shock etc. Loot corpse, no mucus, no eyes. Sigh. Still another 6 to collect.

Back along the beach I discover an evil level 12 humanoid standing in a cove all alone. I dither and then throw a lightning bolt at him from a distance. He resists and runs over at such a speed that he stops my second in its tracks, then starts whacking me over the head with a big hooked stick. Agh! Jump into the sea and swim away! He swims after me, whacking away and depleting my health at an alarming rate.

Nip! Is that a bloody clacker nibbling my feet now too? I swim for shore but I'm whacked into death...

Happily my ghost appears close to my corpse and I'm happy to see that ghosts can walk on water too...

Oh-oh, damn, is that smoke?

Day 2 - Help Arrives

Ah, the joys of having a level 55 rogue friend on the same realm. Knife shows up after a lengthy journey across the world to give me some cash and kill a few centaurs with me. We kill lots of them until he has to go and leave me in the middle of a lot of angry half-men who quickly seem to realise that knife is awk (away from keyboard, a-haha) and attack me. I have to run and run and run and almost die, which I'm rather reluctant to do.

Anyway, eventually my helper leaves, but not before showing me a slightly larger town to the north where I can buy merely battered leather armour rather than filthy and battered. Still, there isn't a lot to buy, even with cash, for a low level troll like me, so I buy a shield and head back to the desert to kill more beasts and razor-quill type things until I level up to 7 after a lot of painful deaths all around.

I explore the islands to the south east and almost die (a lot) at the hands of bloody tigers and clackers and lizard type things, and fail in all but one quest there. However, I do find the Goblin tools in the shipwrecks (and many more clackers) and also realise that I don't understand swimming at all.

I also team up with a guy for a while to kill things on an island. It's fun. I storm the castle and kill the head guy (after my first death) and much effort. This all takes a long time. Time passes. I have spent my entire Sunday playing the game, and still want more.

After many hours I make it to level 8 and head for the Orc capital far to the north (far for me), which is impressive, but disappointing as there is nothing at all I can buy for my level there. However, I do become a herbalist and pick up some new shamanic skills there. After wandering for a while and feeling out of my depth, I head back south and determine to finish the odd few quests left down there.

That night I sleep not, and half-dream of Warcraft on-loop.

Day 1 - Purchase

So I finally buckle under pressure and make a feeble excuse to go to the shops on Saturday morning.

'Just off out to the shops,' I call to the wife as I leave.

Oh, and then, 20 mins later I'm handling the object in the shop. It looks so lovely. Oh, yes it does. Then I'm heading for the till before I can talk myself out of it, whilst I repeat reasons justifying the expense to myself. No, really, I made some up.

The walk home seems long indeed. I resist the urge to tear the pack open and read the booklet on the way back. I wait. I even make tea when I get back before beginning the install.

Woah. 5 CDs? What the?

I begin, it takes forever. It's a good job that the guide book is so long - gives you someting to do whilst it installs.

CD2, watch TV...

CD3, reading book...

Crash, error, sorry, this program has performed an illegal operation and will terminate. have a nice day.

Oh, this had taken over an hour to get to this point. I ended every process not really needed on the PC and polished CD3. Start again - note, no continue install option, oh no, you must delete and re-start...

CD1, make more tea...

CD2, watch TV...

CD3, bite nails...

CD4, pace around the lounge, annoying wife...

CD5, yes, finally, it finishes.

I now think, foolish me, that I'll be playing within minutes. Ah, no. Load, get excited, am informed that I have to download and apply a few patches. A few? Ha! More like two damned hours of downloading.

One long walk along the beach later...

Apply the patches. Another 20 minutes.

By now it's edging towards suppertime. Sigh.

Then, it loads. Oh joy. It works. It lets me in.

Character creation. Hmm, I've had hours and hours of time to research all the classes and muse the advantages and disadvatages of each. I want to play hoard as I have friends there, and want to play a shaman, so am limited to Troll, Orc or Taurean. It looks like half the world is playing Taurean shamen, so I go for Troll.

Nice, gangly, green, bald. I didn't like any of the hairstyles, so chose bald.

In Game

Finally. I appear in a desert-like region, lots of trolls around (of course), near a big circle. I assume that every troll appears here. There are a lot of people wandering around. I'm not sure what to do.

A nasty looking troll runs up to me and stares at me. He says, 'Hey baldy, baldy! Fight me!'

Then a dialog box appears:

Ocylatryx chanllenges you to a duel. Decline or Accept.

I panic at this, click decline and run away. I have no idea if I'm at risk in this area and what the consequences would be for losing (none, it turns out later).

Ocylatryx runs after me, insulting my lack of hair and repeatedly challenging me to duels. I run inside a tunnel to escape and am confronted by large creatures. Are they trolls?

One has a quest for me (the glowing ! is familiar from similar genre of games), so I click on him and so begins the killing and misery for the critters of the valley of trials...

It's a familiar and comfortable pattern - go and kill x of these then come back and I'll give you a dirty, ripped and smelly vest as a reward. So, after an hour I'm still dressed in rags thumping things with a big stick and trying to look pleased when handed a pair of shabby, stained gloves.

Still, I find a shop, trade all the crap I've looted from corpses and steadily progress. I ignore all the other people, and they ignore me. It seems that Ocylatryx was out of the ordinary and most other people are polite and friendly. They even help out if that boar looks like it is going to overcome you as they pass by.

A few hours later and I'm level 5. Oh yes, and I leave the valley.